To stay POSITIVE is …

It has been a hell of a week.

All the things happening around is such a mess. I am starting to lose my mind. If I can only close my eyes and make it all disappear like it never happened.

I don’t know why I feel so sad, lazy, distracted and add other negative adjectives that you can think of. I really don’t know why. I find it hard to sleep at night, I even find it hard to think properly.

I’ve tried to look in the mirror every time I take a bath before going to work. I’ve been trying to figure out and at least see what is really happening to me. And as I look each day, it seems like my reflection is EMPTY and DRY. 

I’ve tried to look closely, I’ve noticed the tears running down like river.
I’ve tried to open my ears, I’ve heard the desperate scream.
And I started to ask, what is happening? What is really going on?

I found myself crying in the corner, crying at the top of my lungs.

My tears started to run out. I need to get up and ready myself to work. As I stepped out of the bathroom, I know damn who cares what you are going through.

I wear my best self-defense, smile. It helps me a lot. It helps me survive in a day. It keeps me going. It keeps me away from drama. It makes me look okay, at least.

As I continue to feel this strange feeling of sadness in me, I’ve been trying to still look on the brighter side. I still look forward to the beauty of the sun as it rise, like this is a new day to hope for. I’ve been trying to still appreciate the air that I breathe and even the wind that smoothly kisses my hair and skin. Optimism gives hope, at least.

But to stay in the manner of smiling and hoping is such a heavy rock that I keep on pushing. I am running out of strength sometimes but who else gonna be there for me? If I don’t help my self, to where and what would I end?

I know it will be a long and tough process but I need to keep going. The world doesn’t need to know everything about me but I should know myself.I should know that I still can give a good damn fight. That I can still figure it out one day. That I need to keep going…

to keep going!


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